We practiced in our last on-line class in this series integrating and then upgrading the I. The I is the center of our experience of personal identity. We used the basic Aikido exercise kokyu-ho undo.
Today, we will conclude our series of classes on working to deepen our experience of growth and development as I. Our goal is to experience as close as possible what O Sensei described as the most original I or the original soul. In today’s class we will use the Aiki Taiso tekubi-kosa undo or the hold from the rear exercise as our physical reference-The Secret Teachings of Aikido (pg. 97).
The I is the part of us that is the center of personal identity. The experience of I is always present regardless of which persona or unit we are currently adopting. When we are weeding the backyard there is I. If we go to a state dinner at the White House there is I. The unit is the clothing we wear to accomplish particular tasks or assume particular roles. O Sensei called them kon (I) and haku (unit)-Essence of Aikido (pg.27). One term he used to refer to the I as a whole is nen-The Secret Teachings of Aikido (pgs. 80-81).
This process as I of “inhabiting” particular units is often unconscious. When we walk to our car to drive home, that is a unit. Some basic units are much more a part of our identity than others. Your choice of work; your place in a family or other important social groups are examples.
The unit is the part of ourselves that contains the skills and abilities necessary to accomplish the tasks for which that unit is created. The energetic content of the unit is decided by the skills necessary to perform that particular function and therefore will vary from unit to unit. Performing brain surgery is a very different unit than running a marathon. Being a parent is very different than being the CEO of a company.
The I is the part of our system, at a basic level, that provides a qualitative experience of satisfaction and meaning to our activities. It is the source of our perspective on our lives and our world in both an immediate and overall sense.
The health of the I is a big factor in how well we forge with the units that are important to us both in the sense of personal satisfaction and wellbeing and our functional performance in those roles.
The overall goal of these classes is to help create a more balanced and integrated I and to experience the potential for growth inherent in the I. We will do some similar practices to experience a more balanced and integrated unit. This allows a better forging to occur between the I and the unit resulting in more personal satisfaction and better performance.
The two parts of the I are, as outlined by O Sensei and many other traditions, the part that is more awareness oriented and the other that is more experientially oriented. Our shorthand for these is the mind of I (awareness/thinking) and the body of I (feeling/experience).
Our goal initially, is to experience these parts of the I and their interaction with each other. It is in this interaction that a real opportunity for growth and development of the I exists. When there is a lack of connection or even conflict between the parts of the I, we are starting from a place of fragmentation rather than wholeness. If the lack of integration is not addressed we will experience the downstream negative effects of it, in reduced satisfaction and performance.
One way fragmentation occurs is that a part of the I ranges out and tries to obtain wholeness and satisfaction from outside itself. An example is when the mind of I tries to direct and take over the unit, this results in both maintaining the fragmentation of the I within itself (less of an experience of personal satisfaction) and interferes with the unit’s ability to perform.
Everyone has had occasions when they noticed the harder they try to accomplish something the more frustrated they get (I) and the worse their performance becomes (unit). The image of the kitten trying to extricate itself from a ball of yarn comes to mind, the harder it tries, the more entangled it becomes. From O Sensei’s perspective, this tendency toward entanglement and its results forms a key part of the difficulty of the human condition-The Secret Teachings of Aikido (pg. 53).
Bringing the two parts of the I into a more whole experience with each other is a big step toward reducing entanglement and its resulting negative effects.
Before we go on, let’s look at how O Sensei and others describe the I-The Secret Teachings of Aikido (pgs. 80-82) and Essence of Aikido (pg. 27).
Here is another perspective from Alex Bennett in his book on Kendo (pgs. xxxii-xxxiii).
Here is another perspective from Prof. Cheng Man-ching-Cheng Tzu’s Thirteen Treatises on T’ai-chi Ch’uan (pg. 34) and Essays on Man and Culture (pgs. 32-33).
We need both the experience of all the basic states of consciousness and a healthy psychology of the I for this to happen. Ken Wilbur in his book Integral Meditation calls these two types of development waking up (refined state experience) and growing up (psychological health). The book Zen at War is an example where waking up was not matched with growing up.
Before we begin to work with the I, let’s bow in and start with a little bit of stretching and then misogi breathing.
Moving Toward the Most Original I
We will use the tekubi-kosa undo or hold from the rear exercise as our focus to experience the I and to realize the potential growth inherent in us as I. This exercise, because it doesn’t involve moving the feet, is a good physical manifestation of the fact this deepest experience of the I is right here and right now-Lao-tzu My Words are Very Easy to Understand Prof. Cheng Man-ching (pg. 192)-The Heart of Aikido (pgs.93-94).
- Let’s begin with two rounds of tekubi-kosa undo. As we do it try and remember your experience so we can refer back to it as our practice progresses.
- Feedback on the first round of practice.
Now we will review the experience of the two parts of the I, mind of I and body of I mirroring each other, and a practice of the internal dialog and integration we worked on in our last class, then practice tekubi-kosa undo.
At each point there is a sense in which you become a different person, there is a shift in identity as we quoted Nadeau Sensei in the previous classes.
- Let’s begin with the practice of mirroring. The mind of I, using its capability of mirroring and turning inwardly, allows an image of the body of I to form in you as the mind of I. Then making a shift in perspective from mind of I to body of I, as body of I, use your unique capability to mirror the mind of I. We now have these two parts of the I mirroring each other. Through this mutual experience there is a greater sense of alignment, integration and wholeness in the experience of yourself as I. From this experience, your interaction with the unit and the rest of creation comes from a place of wholeness rather than fragmentation. Let’s now focus on an experience of further integration. Start the practice with either mind or body of I first. Our question is what is going well in the relationship with the other and what would you like more of? This is a way to experience and reinforce what is going well and work to improve the areas that are not going so well. In the areas not going so well, a moment or two of full presence will usually bring in a sense of what will help to improve the relationship. Then repeat the process with the other part of the I. From the experience you have from this part of the practice let’s move to bring the insights obtained from the dialog to fruition. This starts not by straining to bring about greater integration or even knowing where to start. It begins by maintaining a sense of active presence and allowing the “answer” to materialize organically and naturally. Once the process of integration starts, maintain that same sense of active presence rather than trying to hurry it or make it happen. Here we have arrived at a good level 1. One way to differentiate levels is to give yourself a name. What is your name at level 1?
- Repeat tekubi-kosa undo and get feedback-how did the focus on the mind and body of I mirroring and feeding each other change your experience?
- We have arrived at a state of being that is more balanced and integrated then when we started. It doesn’t have to be perfect! From this more balanced state we can practice to experience the potential for growth to the next level of I. Nadeau Sensei called this dimensionality. Let’s begin with the circle center practice. From the starting point of the balanced integrated I we open the system further. Then we center the system further. From that fuller experience we ask the question what is our next level of I? As we did with the dialog process in the practice we just completed, don’t strain to get the “answer.” Stay relaxed and maintain a fullness of presence and allow the experience of the next level of I to emerge naturally and organically. What is your name at level 2? Feedback on the practice.
- Repeat tekubi-kosa undo and get feedback-how is the exercise different from this fuller experience of I?
There are milestones of fullness in moving to a deeper level of consciousness with which we can then identify as our center of gravity. Nadeau Sensei uses the analogy of starting out as tourist in a new place; then becoming a resident and then a citizen and even more. Here is an example from O Sensei Sensei- The Secret Teachings of Aikido (pg. 21).
- Our last practice provided an initial experience of a fuller level of I. Let’s repeat the practice we just worked on to make the transition from a level 1 I to a more complete or original level of I/soul. This is a big jump but only meant to provide a glimpse of what this most original level experience is like-The Essence of Aikido (pg. 21). Did your name for you at this most level change?
- Repeat tekubi-kosa undo and get feedback-how is the exercise different as we get more fully present, take up residence, at this fuller level of I-A Life in Aikido (pgs. 178-180)?
In this class we deepened our experience of the I and used that deeper experience to get a glimmering of an even more refined most original level of I/soul. This is the practice of dimensionality Shinki Aikido With Nobuyuki Watanabe (pg. 26).
Practice before the next class
Three rounds of dimensional shifts with one of the Aiki Taiso in-between. Pay close attention to the feedback as you get closer to that most original level of I/soul.